On Fear

It occurred to me as I walked back to the house last night that in 4 months, Pip will, all being well, arrive. The fear suddenly hit me and all evening I had a processions of thoughts, one after the other.

1. I have to give birth. I haven’t even begun to think about that.

2. I have to not only move house but find a house. Which will accept two people, one almost person, a cat and lots of furniture. (and then pack and move into said house). Which will be a tiny one bed flat, which is all we can afford.

3. Will I ever have any time to myself ever again?

4. Will I ever be sexy again, once I’ve had Pip and become a mother? (Tied no doubt to my 30th birthday, which is in a months time).

5. Will we cope?

6. What happens if I start to bleed or go into early labour and it’s one of the three weekdays when my husband is working in London every week? When should I start making contingency plans?

Oh my, what a lot of worries.

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3 comments

  1. Oh shit, the fear. Lord, I hope it doesn’t stick around long.

    I can answer one of those questions though – will you still be sexy? HELLS FUCKING YES. Your 30s are a million times sexier than 20s, believe you me, motherhood notwithstanding. Just… trust me on that one. ;)

  2. Hello and welcome to The Fear. I’m due late March and this has just started to happen to me too! I don’t know if it’s the fear of childbirth, being a mother, how I’ll fit work around being a mother, or all of it combined. It’s funny because I wasn’t that scared until recently. Maybe because it’s all seeming a lot more real.

  3. When I’m feeling like this, I remind myself that it’s only ever today.

    One day at a time, you’ll be grand.

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