It was dark when I left work this evening. Dark as I went to the co-op and parked in an unlit car park in order to buy more de-caf teabags. Dark as I drove home. More sobering was the realisation that I won’t be leaving work again in the light before I, all being well, go on maternity leave. There is 2 and a half months until the shortest day, which coincidently falls half way between now and when I propose to start maternity leave.

The strangest thing about all of this is I still can’t really tell that Pip is in there. Sure, I’ve seen the scan and yes, my stomach is a bit bloated. But I’ve been fatter after supper and the scan is so weird that if someone told me they were mistaken, I wouldn’t find it too hard to believe them. And still, every so often I feel the oddest flutter. Trapped wind or something perhaps, a bit like that nervous feeling when your tummy turns over. Deep down in the lowest part of my abdomen. Not the baby moving, I don’t think, but a bit like what it might feel like I guess, in a few weeks. It gives me a little shiver, a little reminder, that there *is* something in there.

And, in 6 months time, all being well, we’ll get to meet.


One comment

  1. I love your writing in this post. It must be odd, to get used to thinking about growing someone but not being able to really feel like you physically know that you are. I remember feeling my sister’s stomach as her little one kicked, it was an amazing feeling and I was on the outside so I can only imagine what it’ll be like for the mama.

    I like the idea too that the days lengthening will coincide with the arrival of new life and light. Hopefully the dark days will be cosy and comforting more than anything else.

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